Growing up and evolving in life comes with its share of regrets, shame, remorse and especially trauma about things in the past. What we did, what we should have done or not, but also what happened to us. And this observation is all the more true in a romantic relationship. Hurts from the past can haunt you to the point of preventing any new relationship from flourishing.
How can the past compromise the couple’s future?
A person who is insecure and constantly prey to suspicion is guarded at all times. She is incapable of trusting. According to Dr. Jill P. Weber, people who have experienced one or more emotionally, physically, or sexually toxic romantic relationships may develop a hypersensitivity to signals that usually precede such events. A situation that eventually develops in these people a tendency to react immediately to whatever sign their mind might detect.
The distress experienced because of these bad past relationships can trigger this reflex inappropriately in new situations with people who probably know nothing about this history. A terrifying feeling of déjà vu which in many cases induces bad reactions.
Is there hope for a couple?
Although we can justify our approach by the extreme similarity of the scenarios, afterwards we often realize that this is not the case. A feeling of shame or guilt can then arise because we finally realize the harm or mistreatment that we inflict daily on a partner who only wishes us good. Especially since we admit in all honesty that we would never accept to undergo such treatment.
If you find yourself in this description, know that it is time to get your act together. Fate has no place here.
It is certainly true that the chances of you forgetting past hurts are tiny, if not almost non-existent. We always remember it and unfortunately we have no other choice but to live with it. But as this source explains , it is possible to overcome them; everyone has the strength deep within them.
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What to do when you have suffered too much infidelity in the past
If betrayal has been a part of your past relationships too often, you may panic when you’re not in direct contact with your partner. If he or she has had to be absent for several days for one reason or another, the corrosion of uncertainty will grow. Texts and phone calls follow one another frantically with the sole aim of knowing one’s exact location in real time. Even if you use the excuse of worry, you should know that this kind of behavior is generally perceived as a total lack of confidence. Especially if the other person is unaware of the deep reason why you are doing this.
Instead of engaging in these unnecessary behaviors (useless because instead of feeling reassured or comfortable, it only causes more anxiety), take a step back and dare to look at your past traumas. You should seriously consider broaching the subject with your partner. Tell him your story and make it clear what scares you about it. Seeing the efforts you make to not leave power to the ghosts of the past, your new half will gladly help you get through this ordeal.
What should you do if you have the impression that someone is trying to make you dominant or submissive?
Perhaps you have known one or more of your previous partners who tended to muzzle you in the relationship, reducing you to nothing more than another piece of furniture in the house. If this is the case, you might automatically turn away as soon as someone seems to tell you what to do or how to behave. However, it could be that your current partner is just expressing an opinion.
Here too, communication is crucial. Instead of closing yourself in your bubble or jumping for his throat as soon as you have this feeling, consider telling him your story instead. It is essential that he or she understands how much the idea of being dominated weighs on you. From then on, your partner will certainly find more appropriate ways to share their advice or opinions with you without inspiring this feeling in you.
Ultimately, you won’t achieve much if you decide to face the hurts of the past alone. If it took the action of one person to break you, it is through the intervention of another person that you will rebuild yourself.
